The Bedazzled Vagina

An eighty year old woman bought an outdoor lagoon style pool. She swims her twelve laps early in the morning and spends her afternoon reading poolside. On Tuesday, she swam her laps and instead of reading by the poolside, she had a visitor. Her eighty-year old male neighbor had come over wanting a swim in the lagoon style pool. After about three laps, he got out, dropped his pants and asked the eighty year old woman for a skinny dip. She yelled at him to put his pants back on, and kicked him out of her house.

We all looked at her with wide eyes. We sat in a circle, her stories drowning out the noise of the eighty’s tribute band. She started laughing and said, “Ohhh, I have a ton more.” And in all honesty we wanted more. This woman had a better sex life than I did. She looked and moved better than I did as well. She wore a white suit, black pumps and drank at least a bottle of wine by herself.

As she started another story, I got to thinking about idols. The people we look up to, maybe even want to be. I wondered why we look up to them, when deep down inside, they’re just like us.

Here’s another story: a woman my mom works with bedazzled her vagina. She saw it online. I’m not sure if she just googled it or something but she found Jennifer Love Hewitt and her bedazzled who-who. She instantly wanted to do it, even finding a store near her who carried bedazzled vag-jewels. She got home and I can only guess, put each jewel on her…vagina…

It’s safe to say that both of these women are my idols. They took action, control and managed to stay true to themselves. Yes, I have other idols, gaga, my mother and many, many others. Cupcakes, donuts and the people who think they look good at the beach, wearing those god-awful one- pieces while smoking are a few more.

But I also got to thinking; can we be our own idols? Why are we always idolizing famous people when we have people right here, down to earth and able to talk to. We have ourselves, even though many of us don’t feel like an idol to ourselves, but you are an idol to someone else.

My idols are the ones reading this. You took the time to read, talk or even share this with your friends or family. You give me material to write, things to see and places to go.

Thank you.