Guest Blog: Maleficent as President?

I’ve been waiting patiently for Maleficent to come out on DVD ever since I saw it with the roommate back in May. Wow side note, has it been THAT long since I’ve seen that movie? MY GOD I’M OLD. Excuse me while I cry for twenty seconds.

Which reminds me of another side note. GBF texted me two days ago and asked if I ever had a real good cry, like a cry that made me so sick I nearly threw up? I answered back yes, at the 2012 Oscars when Les Miserables didn’t win Best Picture and that stupid shit movie Argo did. He replied back and said that ever since his first boyfriend left him for another guy, he hasn’t cried and he wondered if that was weird. I replied back with grow some balls pussy.

Anyway, I bought Maleficent the day it came out on DVD and watched it soon after. There’s something beautiful about that movie but also, something really bad about that movie. I get it’s a reimaging and everything but, maybe, to me, its not the Maleficent I-we- grew up with. I said it before and I’ll say it again, it was her character that pissed me off so much. In one scene she’s attacking the army and throwing them into the thorned forest and then, suddenly, she’s cracking jokes on the fairies (don’t even get me started on them.)

I told this to my mother, who, for the first time, watched Maleficent. She answered back, and this ladies and gentlemen stunned me, by saying, “Its because she hates men. Why not treat the men like shit. The women never hurt her but the men sure did.” WOW. So profound, my mother the caretaker, the film theorist (if there is such a thing.)

Today, I’m sitting and writing, my new story is about twenty- three pages long, minding my own business and listening to 1989, which I happen to be OBSESSED with when my mother comes into the living room carrying a green sheet of paper.

“I think I should start a blog,” she says.

“Oh yeah? About what?”

“Dating after 50. Sex, relationships everything after 50.”

“That sounds good. You could be like the Carrie Bradshaw for women going through menopause,” I say.

She unfolds the paper she’s carrying and says “I have something on menopause.”

So, ladies and gentlemen, dear readers, friends and family members forced to read here is the first guest post on The Homo Whisperer written by my mother.

I feel Maleficent should run for president! I enjoy her view of things about men; mostly keep them close, but not too close so they can cut your wings off! But be someone and rise up and show them. Loves truest form are from the women and not the men. See the passion, the true spirit because, girls, hold on just a little longer until we get our wings back and SOAR!

Look out for her blog in the next few months. I say months because she needs a little help with typing, starting the computer and using the keyboard.