This Town of Mine

This town of mine, this small town of mine where the lights turn off in Walmart and everyone thinks it’s the second coming, may actually kill me. The snowbirds, the old people who live up north for six months and Florida for the rest of the year, for those of you who don’t know, are back. They are back and still don’t know how to drive, park or how to act in public.

Just this morning I went to Walmart to pick up dog food and soda, both main staples in my house, and nearly got run over by a golf cart. A fucking golf cart that was parked in the handicap space. Are you kidding me? This asshole drove a fucking golf cart to Walmart, parked it in a fucking handicap space then decided to back out without looking behind him.

I’m not one to get angry very quickly, but this asshole disproved that. Like could he not see me? I’m not hard to miss. Inside, which, like the outside, was full of old people who don’t know how to use shopping carts (and if you call them buggy’s I hate you) and me, politely saying “Excuse me” and “Can I squeeze by you real quick?” when inside my mind I was screaming “Move you old bitch” and “When will you die? You have four oxygen tanks, three different bags filled to the brim with pills and a wife who only wants you for your life insurance money.”

I have my Walmart routine, which I exercise to the T. I head to the back of the store first, where the books and movies are, and then head to the food section where I start in the back and move my way up (My aunt is still amazed at our Walmart. She always says, “Its amazing that I can buy a thong and chicken all under the same store.”)

I don’t spend much time in the food section (Does it look like I need anymore food?) and usually only go to the soda and ice cream aisle. It was in the middle of the ice cream aisle, the one section closest to the registers, that three people,who were together, each with their own shopping cart, STOPPED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AISLE. Do you know how much this pissed me off?! Stopped right in the middle of the fucking aisle so no one could pass. We all had to wait for these assholes to finish picking which fucking sherbet they wanted.

Why did they each need their own shopping cart?! The best thing, the thing that pushed me over the edge, was when I asked them to move over to the side so we can get through.

“Can’t you go through another aisle?”

This bitch. Miss High and Mighty, Miss “I’m from Maine.” Miss “I drive a Cadillac.”

“No I can’t. I wanted this aisle and I would’ve been out of your hair quicker if you didn’t block the walkway.”

She didn’t answer me, but you better believe she moved her shopping cart out of the way.