The Halloween Party: Part Deux

Last week on The Homo Whisperer: we were invited to my ex-boyfriends Halloween party. He left to have sex with some asshole that bears resemblance to Him from The PowerPuff Girls. When he came back to the party he was with someone else… someone no one knew.

“Well this is a happening party,” the stranger asked. He came inside and stood behind ex-boyfriend number one. “Where is everyone?”

“They left,” I said.

“Yeah cause this party sucks,” one of the hooligans said.

We all looked over at him, like who was this asshole, he was even eating store brand Mac and Cheese… nasty.

You have to understand, it’s late. It’s about one in the morning. The stranger, knowing his way around ex-boyfriends house even better than I did, got what little party started. He sat with the hooligans, he obviously knew them from somewhere. BFF and I stayed back and watched and wondered.

“Who is that? Is that a new boyfriend? Then what about…” I asked.

She shrugged her shoulders. “I’m not sure but I’m probably going to leave soon.”

I nodded and watched ex-boyfriend bring out the booze. Oh boy. Ex boyfriend and booze never match; it was one of the reasons why we broke up. Another reason is his “I fucked you” list, which included: a druggie, a guy who wanted to blow up the school, another druggie, another druggie, some asshole who didn’t laugh at my jokes and a dancer. “Okay he’s bringing out the booze. Its time to go. I’ll call you tomorrow?” I say, standing up and walking over to BFF.

She nods and stands. “I’m just gonna say bye real quick.”

I walk outside and wait for her and I’m standing by my car when she comes out, yelling at her brother, my ex boyfriend, who is walking out after her.

“You can’t leave. I promised mom someone smart would stay and watch over us,” he pleaded.

“I’m not staying. I’m tired and I have work tomorrow,” she says.

“But this is your house.”

“I understand that but I don’t want to be around with you drinking,” she says. She steps up to me. “Maybe Joe will stay?”

I shake my head no. “I would’ve stayed if you never left.”

“I had to pick up that asshole…”

“Pick up not fuck some asshole,” I say. “Who is that anyway?”

“This guy I’m going after,” he tells me.

“That’s disgusting. You’re probably not going to tell him about your quickie are you?”

He doesn’t answer.

By now, BFF got into her car and drove away.

“Is she mad?” he asked.

“You lied to us. That’s what pissed us off. You did it during our relationship and you’ll do it during this one too.”

“If it comes to that.”

“I’m going home. It was a great party. Don’t get in trouble.” And I drove away.

I guess he got in some trouble because, the next morning, a hooligan was found on the porch with no pants on and the three other party guests only blamed one other person. Ex boyfriend number one is grounded from having parties until Christmas.

Three days ago I got the phone call from Macy’s. I work the weekend, eleven to four. I guess I’m not fired after all.