The Halloween Party: Part Un

Two nights ago I was invited to my ex-boyfriends house for his annual Halloween costume party. I was embarrassed to go because my costume hasn’t come in yet so I decided, after careful consideration, that I would go as the Anti-Joe. But then that would mean that I would have to be nice for the night so I decided against that. At the last minute I decided to be a muggle. Clever right?

I was promised a party of thirty, candy, drinks, fun and music. I got a party of five, no candy, water, some fun and no music. I blame ex-boyfriend for most of this, I mean, who has a party that starts at ten? Us normal adults have a life. But I couldn’t just leave cause that would be rude. I waited with BFF and Minnie Mouse, a friend from ex-boyfriends working place, when ex-boyfriend said he was gonna go into town to pick up other partygoers. We said hurry back because, at that time, a pair of hooligans came in.

These hooligans were eighteen, blonde, surfed and hated high school. They prayed for the day when they get to leave this small town and head to college. Oh and they smoked cigars, when we told them not to, and were full of sass. When I was eighteen I was crying on the shoulder of BFF about the college I wanted to go to. To this day I still cry about the college I go to.

We waited for about two hours, with no new people, when one of the hooligans, dressed as the devil, decided to call his friend who, to our belief, was with my ex-boyfriend on their way to the party.

“Hey where are you guys? Wait… did he just say ‘I’m gonna come?’” the devil said.

I looked at Minnie, Minnie looked at BFF and BFF looked at me with her mouth open. The devil looked at his friend, dressed as Cheech, and started laughing. “I called them in the middle of sex?!”

“That fucking asshole left us to go have sex?” I asked. I couldn’t wrap my head around this statement. Let me tell you something about ex-boyfriend number one, he doesn’t have relationships he has sextionships. He believes sex BEFORE the first date will tell him how the relationship will last.

This got the party pissed, all four of us, and we were ready to leave. Like who leaves his own party to go have sex? It’s rude, inconsiderate, and, quite frankly nasty. I mean the person he even slept with ISNT EVEN GOOD LOOKING. If you picture Him from The PowerPuff Girls, you'll get a good sense of what this fudge packer looks like. 

We waited another twenty minutes, by now Minnie left and the hooligans were under BFF’s watching eyes. I came back from the kitchen, I decided to make some kind of food for the left over partygoers, when she said, “I think they’re forming a coo.”

I was going to answer her when ex-boyfriend came inside, sweaty, wearing a plaid shirt and jeans.

“How was your trip to Brokeback Mountain?” I asked.

He laughed and brushed it off. “My GPS was broken.”

“We know where you were.” BFF said to her brother.

“Guys… please don’t say anything to him,” ex-boyfriend pleaded.

“To who?” I asked.

And in he came, but not the Him I was talking about before. In came this other kid. A kid both BFF and I didn’t know. Which lead to one question, “How many is too many?”