"Ghosts are Sexist...?"

I was at the corner of Yankee Candle and FYE when I ran into my old friend from high school. She was with her boyfriend and I was with my mother, surprise surprise. This old friend moved to Tampa after high school to attend USF or UCF, FSU, UGT, GSYW, SHDSGD, whatever the fuck school is in Tampa.

“We’re going to see Annabelle. I read online that it got really bad reviews so I said ‘Sign me up’,” I told her.

“I would see it but I’m afraid of dolls. Especially dolls possessed by some creepy bitch,” she told me.

“How scary can it be? I would just put the doll in come cage, lock that bitch up, she can’t haunt when she’s locked in a small cage can she? Maybe drop kick the fuck out of her.”

We hugged and kissed goodbye, four times, twice on each cheek and my mother and I went to our movie. The movie was on the corner of Box Office Smash and Teenage Hideaway. We were the first ones inside; again that time thing that I always talk about. We waited…and waited… and waited… and no one was showing up. This movie came out three days ago! Was it that bad?

It was right as the lights dimmed that the horde of teenagers came in as loud as can FUCKING BE. Can we talk about teens? Cane we talk about kids? Tell me why a parent would bring their child to see a scary movie? What is the point? “Hey honey I have a great idea lets scar little Jimmy for fucking life.” How can teenage boys wear skinny jeans? Where do they put their penis? Don’t tell me its tucked under cause that shits a fucking lie. Next time look and maybe ask them where they put it cause I’m dying to know.

Actually don’t. I just realized how creepy that would be and I don’t want any of you to get arrested.

I’m not going to get into detail about the movie, it’s the same ghost story/movie shit, some bitch gets dragged, someone shouts “I want her soul,” and then a priest comes in and gets killed. Whatever. It had its small scares that worked and, in my opinion, was definitely worth watching. I called it a “Modern retelling of Rosemary’s Baby.”

Which brings us to our next point: why do demons, ghosts, the devil or a witch want only women or children? Is it some sexist thing? Is the devil some sort of feminist? Is he lacking in other areas (between the legs?)

I say the next ghost/haunting movie should go for the men. Or the gays.