Here’s a riddle for everyone: name the movie where two
seemingly gay men create a monster that hates her mate? Let that one sink in
for just a moment as I tell you another: what do a gay man, a straight woman, a
lesbian and a bi-sexual do on Sunday night?
It all started this morning, with a phone call from Macy’s,
yes Macy’s, and if everyone remembers that I had an interview with them a
couple of days ago. I was so excited to answer.
“Hello? Is this Joe Russo?”
“Yes it is.”
“I’m calling from the Macy’s customer service desk and is
pleased to announce your recent hire for our store.”
Say it with me everyone, one, two, three JOE RUSSO HAS A
JOB. I can finally get out of my house and interact with people! Yay me!
“I’m pleased to say you’ll be part of the recovery team.”
The recovery team? Instantly my mind started going. Am I
going to be Macy’s spy? Am I going to go after people who didn’t pay for their
Prada? Will I get to wear a Fendi suit?
“How cool! I’m so excited!”
“Yes. It’s very exciting. You start Monday the 13th
at eleven A.M. Wear the black dress code policy.”
I hung up feeling even better about myself. So good, in
fact, I wanted to go out and celebrate. I called up GBF, BF, Ex-boyfriend 1 and
2 and my prom date. Some had prior plans, one didn’t answer me back
(ex-boyfriend 1) and GBF, who also likes women, wanted to see a movie. I didn’t
want to see a movie.
Turns out prom date, who happens to be straight, wanted to
see The Maze Runner. She invited her
friend, who happens to be lesbo, to see the movie with us. Which was basically The Hunger Games that involves a maze
and the raspy voice Dylan O’Brien. I loved what the whole theme was though,
putting teenage boys in a camp and make them survive. I, after the movie, told
GBF that we should do that with the gays. He didn’t like that so much.
“We’re not putting them to work, we’re turning them
straight!” I tried to tell him.
“They’ll get so tired of each other they’ll want to screw a
woman,” still nothing.
“Or they’ll run out of cum and have to use water you know?
Spray that onto his back,” these comments were not hitting well with him.
“We could put a mall in the middle of the camp?” He walked
away then. Whatever.
Drum roll please. The answer to the first riddle is The Bride of Frankenstein. The answer to
the second riddle is buried deep within this post like the rainbow's coming out of every gay mans ass.
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