The best thing about being a writer is the ability to ask
anything to anyone. We have that perfect excuse that no one else has: “I’m
going to put it in a story.” The best thing about being in a class with other writers,
the questions are unstoppable.
Just today, as we sat around during break, we hit the topic
of threesomes. We were all shocked and a little surprised because the person
who suggested this topic, wants to work for Disney.
“Well, I’m just wondering… would you do one?”
“Depends on who with.”
“Like if it was two girls I didn’t know…sure.”
“But if it was with a friend I knew and some other girl…no.”
“What about guys?” she asked, she was the only female in
class I should add, and here everyone shut up. And looked right at me.
I sat and listened, unsure of how to side step this
conversation. Then her gaze lowered upon me.
“What about you, Joe?”
Do I sit here and act like I didn’t hear. Do I answer her?
Can’t I sip my cherry coke in peace? Side story: have you seen those soda
machines that have every imaginable type of soda in them? Like you could get
fifty different kinds of coke, Dr.Pepper or Sprit. Well, those shit machines
make me stressed. Do I want cherry, vanilla or raspberry (the worst flavor,
avoid at all costs.)
“Well, it depends. On the guys…” I stammered back, shrugging
my shoulders. She nodded and went on to talk about friends with benefits,
something we will discuss later on, and I wondered, “Could I do a threesome?”
I got to thinking, I couldn’t even handle one boyfriend, how
could I possibly handle two. Could I do it with two people I know or two people
I hardly know? I also wondered who came up with this concept of adding another
sexual partner to his already sexual partner.
I wondered, “In a threesome who gets hurt?” And I’m taking
emotionally, not physically you sick bastards. So, like any other time I have a
sexual question to ask, I go straight for the GBF. And newly single.
Turns out, there are two versions of threesomes in this
world. Newly single said she would be hurt that her ex-boyfriend even suggested
it. Thinking that their “sex life was the only thing holding the relationship
together.” She went on to say the only way she would a threesome if she was “rip-roaring
drunk and with complete strangers.”
The gays on the other hand will jump at the chance of a
threesome. They don’t care if it’s with friends, strangers or donkeys. They
don’t care if its public, private or in the backseat of a car.
I was going to end this asking if you, dear reader, would
ever do a threesome. But, do I really want to know?
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