The Rules to Dating

Last week I signed up for OKCupid and Plenty of Fish which both happen to be free. I mean why would I pay to get rejected am I right? Six days ago I got my first message from someone who wants to be an actor, reads screenplays and is five feet, five inches. We talked for a day or two and then nothing.

“You need to give it time,” my mother would say, as she leaves to go on a date. My mother is going on more dates than I am and I’m a published author. Well an almost published author. My friends, even, are hitting more balls than I am.

“Are you ready to date?” my mom asked me yesterday as we shopped at Goodwill where she bought a dress for sixty-three cents.

“Yeah. I think.”

“Would you ask him or would you wait till he asks you?” she asks, picking up a god-awful pantsuit.

“I would probably ask him when it gets to that time,” I say wanting this conversation to be over. It’s weird to me, talking about a romantic partner with your mother. Its even weirder talking about a same-sex romantic partner to your mother.

As we left Goodwill I got to thinking about dating. We all know there are “rules” about dating but do those rules change when dating the same-sex? Rules like no talking about the ex, no baby talk, and no marriage talk blah blah. But with same-sex couples, who, in some cases, can’t get married or have kids, what are the rules then? Do we need rules in a relationship?

“Well you still have to show dominance. That’s what rules do,” newly NOT single said at lunch this afternoon.

“What does that mean?” GBF said.

“Yeah for real. Does that mean you have to like pee on him or something?” I ask.

“No it’s like you come home and he hasn’t down the dishes and you want him to do you…”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I ask.

I signed up to be a volunteer at the Sarasota Gay and Lesbian Film Festival, shortened to Fabulous Fest and I’ll ask around what the rules are when you are dating the same sex. These are my rules: be funny, smart and hardworking. Make me laugh and take me to dinner and a movie. Watch movies with me at my house and cuddle. Don’t shove gay down my throat-I know you’re gay you don’t need to act like it. If that makes sense.

Is that too much to ask for?