The Many Uses of IcyHot

We’ve reached the final days before the big move. The final days of packing, unpacking, getting everything set up and hitting the beach one last time and yesterday morning I woke up with a sore neck. It was tight with the slightest movement causing me to wince in pain. I know I sound like a big baby but have you ever had to move six boxes of books to a moving truck?

Yesterday morning I went down to the beach with PA, Hollister and the New and improved non-Patron Saint of Sex (she’s doing this new thing now, “New Year new me.” Honey its March.) They were on spring break and I wasn’t but, lets get real, I’m on online school I’m always on break. We thought that by going early we could beat the old people and the GASP teenagers or the “High schooler’s” as PA called them.

We didn’t. They were out in full force with their little bathing suits covering barley nothing. And young. So young the poor things don’t even know what a college is it makes me so upset.

So were sitting, soaking up the golden sunshine, drinking our sodas and talking about the many uses of KY Warming Gel.

“I use it all the time.”

“But does it really warm?” I ask.

“For her it does I don’t really feel anything,” Hollister says.

“Wouldn’t it burn?”

“How hot does it get?”

“Can you use it as like… you know… when you’re by yourself?” I ask.

As we sat and thought about that last question I took out my IcyHot cream and rubbed some on my neck. PA looked over at me and asked, “Is that IcyHot?”

I nod.

“My parents use that all the time. One time I literally rubbed my face in it and I felt my skin literally peel away,” She said. She looked real good in her purple and black bathing suit set from Victoria’s Secret.

“Why can’t they use IcyHot on themselves?” New Non Patron Saint of Sex asked. “Wouldn’t it be like the same thing as the warming gel?”

“No because it gets cold and then hot,” I say.

“But some people like it numb. I mean…”

“But then we can’t feel anything,” Hollister said.

“Some times that’s a good thing,” PA said.

That night I went home and tried it. I squeezed out just a little handful onto my palms, the cold already starting to kick in. I then moved down to... you know. The cold was, well it was really cold at first. It felt like it was going numb. But then the heat kicked in and it felt really hot. Not like the temperature hot but really good hot. A new high for me I guess you can say. I finished what I had to do but the heat lingered and thats when it started to hurt. To burn. 

I showered, cleaned myself as bet I could and went to bed with a fourth degree burn on my schlong. Send help.